Swiss Cheese!

Found on the internet today:

"I used to have functioning brain cells,
 but I traded them in for a child".  

Oh how TRUE!!

I have often said that each time I gave birth I lost half of the brain cells I possessed before that child.  I have given birth 6 times.  You do the math.  I've done it.  It's scary.
I found this internet comic amusing because only last night I was pondering this very thing:  How different my "intellect" is now from what it was then.
Indulge me for a minute, if you will (if you won't, change tabs and read something else).  In high school I was "smart".  I mean I wasn't in the top 10 in my class, but I was #13.  I was in the top 10%.  I did graduate with a 3.9ish.  I did get an honors diploma.  I did get really good (not like perfect good, but really good) SAT scores.  I did test out of all freshman level college classes that you could test out of.  (I did learn not to end a sentence with "of" and I'm going to do it anyway.)  I did finish my first semester of college with a 4.0 and 30 credits (due to testing out, etc).  So while I was NOT the most brilliant nor the most driven (by far) student in my class, I was labelled as a smart kid.
I did all the stuff you are supposed to in college.  I got good grades, graduated Cum Laude with and honors diploma and a BA.  I wrote a senior thesis to get the honors diploma.  (How to Implement a Spanish Foreign Language Class in an Elementary School Setting, riveting reading I tell you). 
In my younger years, I only knew how to judge my "intellect" or "smartness" based on my grades and test scores.  I was a really good student.  I had a great memory and could keep mental track of many different things going on at the same time.  I never used bookmarks, I could remember what page number I stopped on in whatever book(s) I was reading at the time.  I never took notes, used a calendar or made lists.  My brain was my filing cabinet.
Then it began to rust.  The wholes began to form.  Now, instead of a steel cabinet keeping track of all my information (important and otherwise) my brain is swiss cheese.
I actually found myself last night realizing that, to many people who have just recently met me, I'm just this nice stay at home, homeschooling momma with an average (or I hope) intelligence and ability to function in the world.
Well, that may be true, but it is not the picture of me that has been in my head all these years.  I've always seen myself as this really smart capable person.  But I've turned into this really normal, average person, some days not even that.
But there is a bright side.  Now that I'm not so smart, I actually know more Truth than I ever did in my smart days.  I know the One who created me.  I know the Truth behind creation/evolution.  I know my historical heritage and the rights guaranteed me as a citizen of this, the greatest nation on Earth.  I know who I am in the One who created the universe.  I know love unlike anything I could have known before those little braincell sucking parasites were born.
Yeah, I'd take the trade all over again.  I'll settle for average momma with super kids.

Dreams

Have you ever had a dream?  Not the Running-Down-The Hallway-Chasing-The-Rabbit-Making That-Crazy-Noise-Only-To-Wake-Up-And-Realize-It-Is-The-Alarm dream.  Those those are fun, too. 

I mean the "When I grow up I wanna be a rock star" dreams.  Have you ever wondered where your dreams come from?  Did God give you the dream and the opportunity to pursue it?  Did you get the dream from somewhere else and God gave you the chance to pursue it?  Do all of our dreams, hopes and ambitions come from God?  Or are they from our "humanity" and He allows us to pursue them?  Is there a mix of both?

So, I wonder, Where Do Our (My) Dreams Come From? 

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be one of 3 things 1) Country Music singer (tone deaf, not happening here) 2) Police officer (kind of a coward though) and 3) a teacher.  I pretty well settled on teacher in the 1st grade and never left.  I loved my first grade teacher.  She was wonderful.  I planned it all out - I was going to be a first grade teacher.  Until I student taught in first grade.  Then I decided to be a second grade teacher. 

Well, long story short, I decided after 5 years of teaching remedial reading, that I wanted to be a stay at home mom for 5 years, until baby number 3 (still not yet a twinkle in momma's eye) was in Kindergarten. 

Then I realized I wanted to homeschool my (at the time 4) kids.  Well, at six kids now and another 17 years of homeschooling ahead of me, I know without a doubt, that the dream, as it existed in my head for literally 20+ years will never be.

Now, I don't say that because I'm unhappy.  Quite the opposite.  I love my life, my kids, my choice to homeschool.  I have never regretted, even once, my decision.  I've never doubted it was God's plan and desire.  I'm not saying that I don't mourn a little every August.  But that time is always mixed with the excitement of our new school year starting.  I'm so blessed to experience what so few momma's (relatively speaking) get to experience.  If you aren't a homeschooler, you won't quite understand.  If you are, you totally understand.  My kids with me nearly every moment is priceless (except it the bathroom). 

But I do wonder, did God give me the original dream so that I could someday be fulfilled in this plan I could never have understood 30 years ago, this life of a homeschooling momma that was so foreign to me then?  Could God have wanted me to strive for that dream so as to make this the result?  Or was the original dream just something out of my humanity, something I came up with that amounted to nothing because it wasn't His plan? 

I don't know.  It seems strange to place a dream in a small child's heart, knowing that it will never come to pass.  Yet, I don't know that it wasn't a big part of getting me to this stage in my life.  I do know that God has a plan.  His plan is to bring me to His expected end, fulfill His hopes in my life.  If I entrust that to Him, what difference does the rest of it make?

What dreams have you found God using differently than you imagined He would?

Treasure Hunting

My family is returning from a week long vacation in beautiful Florida!  In this modern era of technology, I am blogging as my husband drives through the beautiful Tennessee landscapes.
We spent the whole wonderful week relaxing, playing, and spending time together. One of our favorite activities was "treasure hunting".  Each time we went to the beach, we looked for whatever treasures we could find.  We found all the best and prettiest shells and shell pieces, living creatures (which we returned home) and sand dollars.  Each new item found, no matter how like the previous ones, evoked squeals and peals of delight and joy.
We visited the ocean under different circumstances, when the wave were calm, when the waves where crashing hard and everything in between.  The kids laughed and played as they were being swamped by waves.  My 6 year old, who has always been very timid in water (my only one really), was having a ball being doused by wave after wave. She would come up and grin and giggle only to be plowed over again by the next round.  Even the baby would giggle and smile at the waves rushing up on his feet.

In the midst of a glorious week, staring out my window at waves and sandy beaches, reading on a balcony while listening to waves and wind, I found my own treasures.  I left for vacation a veritable mental and emotional mess.  My brain was cluttered with the chaos and stress that being a homeschooling momma with 6 kids and a volunteer Children’s Ministry leader less than 2 months before a huge VBS brings.  I couldn’t find up, couldn’t think through one task, felt like I was drowning in the piles in my head created by the clutter of thought and responsibility.  Then something amazing happened. 
I took a week off.  Off of everything (two weeks from church – hee hee).  And the world still spins.  Church still goes on.  My kids are no less smart, my house (I presume) still stands, my garden is growing (again, I presume), my dog is alive, my kids are clean, fed and happy and my husband has smiled and relaxed more than I have seen in a while.  So, it turns out that the world can go on without my micromanaging. 
I was so proud of me.  I dodged and punted church and VBS questions, delaying ones that could wait, passing the buck on ones that couldn’t to my co-brain and co-Children’s Ministry Director.  I didn’t even use my computer until today, the last day as we are driving home.  I did use my fancy phone to email and facebook, but recreationally only!  I didn’t even take my phone to the ocean! 
In all of this week, I found my treasure.  The treasure I have been needing for so long.  Simplicity, focus, a reminder of the only truly important thing(s) in my life.  Joy. 
I so often and so easily lose my focus and misplace my joy.  We, as Christians, are called to live a life of joy.  Joy is separate from happiness.  Joy is independent of circumstances; it is based on the salvation gift of our Lord.  But sometimes in our, or at least my overrun life I lose my focus and forget to carry my Joy with me.
I found my treasure.  I found my joy.

I'm linking this post to A Holy Experience.  Please check out this and other posts here.