Empowering Students to Learn

Have you ever wondered why a saying such as “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” sticks around for generations, or where they even came from?  As I ponder this old saying, I realize that they stick because they breathe truth is so many lives on so many levels.  I imagine the beginnings of this phrase, oh so many years ago:

A mother paces the living room of her little, candle lit cabin waiting for her husband to return.  At the table sits her oldest son, head bent appearing to scour his school work for mistakes to correct.  The door flings open as the old cowboy enters the room.  The mother begins her story, detailing all she has done and tried, points to the boy and cries emphatically “And he STILL can’t add his numbers!”  Calmly, removing his hat and coat the cowboy utters the now infamous phrase, “Well, darlin’, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”

Yep, I’m choosing to believe that this famous phrase was first coined by the wise and perceptive father of a homeschool family 200 years ago.  Sure, I have nothing to support my story, but it is my story.  The application of this phrase in a homeschool classroom is so true, so necessary and so wildly misunderstood, that I believe it had to originate in just such an environment.

As homeschooling parents, we tend to think that we are solely responsible for the education of our children. We have specific reasons that we choose to homeschool.  We believe that if they fail to learn, it is because we didn’t purchase the best, newest curriculum or we didn’t do enough hands on activities or we did too many hands on activities.  And sometimes that is part of the problem.  But often a child’s failure to learn is completely and entirely his fault.  Sometimes that horse has been led to the cleanest, freshest, tastiest water and that stubborn, willful horse chooses to wither from dehydration rather than submit to the suggestion and input of his rider.  

Does this give the parents a free pass each time the child fails?  No.  A parent shares some of the responsibility as the adult in charge of the child’s education.  But, especially as children get older, to say that the parent is solely responsible, solely in charge is to say that the child has neither the ability nor the will to make choices and decisions affecting his life.  This is dishonoring toward our children.  It is dishonoring to think that we have the ultimate control of their little bodies.  We need to honor them, and empower them, with choices that lead them to the water that they so badly want and need and will willing choose to take, once the choice has been made theirs.  

How do we empower our children to make the choice to learn?  We’ve proven that we can force them to copy missed spelling words 20 times.  They’ve proven that they can make us as miserable as they are while doing so.  And they’ve proven that, though we can eventually force the hand to comply we cannot force the brain to comply.  Sometimes, children choose not to learn, because they have been offered no choice.  Children need control; they need to know that they have control.  Because, believe it or not, they do.  And when we refuse to acknowledge that they have any self-control, they begin to exert their desire to control everything in their environment.  

I am beginning a journey toward offering, especially my older children some control.   I am offering them the choice between two different science texts, two different types of math programs, etc.  With this choice comes the responsibility, “you chose this, you don’t have to like it, but you don’t get to whine or complain about it.”  

As we are still struggling with math facts, I have a plan to help them study but to mostly help them learn how they study best.  I am giving them, along with the week’s facts, a list of possible ways to study.  At the end of the week, if they were successful and know the material, they will advance to the next set, retaining the power of choice.  If they were unsuccessful, they will repeat the set, following my study instructions.  Upon completion of the set, they will receive a new set and fresh opportunity to choose, hoping that they will begin to discover how they learn best, a skill that will serve them well in high school and college.  

When we begin to treat our children like they truly are capable of rational thought and are able to make choices, we suddenly empower them to do and become anything God calls them to do in life.  Choices are powerful.

What choices have you given your children to empower them in their own education?


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Experiment

I am beginning a new homeschool experiment today. That sounds kind of bad, doesn't it? Oh well, it is what it is, as my dear friend says. Like most homeschool moms that I know, I feel like I am blowing it most days. I was intrigued by an website I read explaining one dad's homeschool theory. While I do not agree completely with him, I was very, shall we say - piqued. How could I use this thought with my kids? Hmmm...

Without trying to explain his lengthy argument or his theory, and without boring you with my plan, I want to document my children's attitude about school and academic progress during the next 29 days (the rest of April) while we experiment. I will try to update as often as I have something to report. If it is boring, well, sorry. You don't have to read it!

Day 1 -
My children are still sleeping unsuspectingly in their own beds. Picture sinister background music as the mad scientist a.k.a. Homeschool Momma begins pulling out the materials needed and planning the peptalk. Eerie laughter as Momma anticipates their surprise and lack of enthusiasm, Ha Ha Ha! (Okay, actually listening to a little praise music and somehow a little Beethoven who managed to sneek his way into my playlist.)

I have it all planned out. I will explain to the darlings how they have survived TV Free August, not once but twice, how they survived rice and beans as part of the crazy pastors fast in October, and most recently how they have survived 40 days (actually 47 counting Sundays) with no pop. With this reminder firmly in their minds, thinking of how it could be worse and how each of these things got easier as the time progressed, and reminding them that Momma and Daddy didn't change their minds so resitance is futile, I will encourage them to look at the next 29 days (minus Sundays so only 25 really) as a great opportunity for growth! Now there is a run-on sentence to be proud of!

First child just awoke. Tune in later to see how it went!

Siblings, Monsters or Friends?

I have discovered what I believe to be the biggest drawback to homeschooling. No, it's not socialization. My kids get to meet, talk to and interact with a lot of people of all ages. No, the problem is too much together time. You know how your kids start to bicker and gripe at each other after a few days of being couped up in the house. After about four days inside with your brothers and sisters, even the kindest children turn into monster children.

They grow three heads, five horns and their eyes turn red. Fire spits out of their mouths. Their heads spin around backwards. Smoke comes out of their ears. Their voices become like fingernails grating down the proverbial chalkboard. They become little monsters just waiting to pounce on the first poor, unsuspecting sibling to breath in their general direction.

Take that image, multiply it by 365 days, 24 hours a day. Increase it by 5 children. Now you have the image of a large homeschool family in the dead of winter. It's not pretty. It's downright ugly.

Yet, despite that, they seem to be inseparable. They are fiercely devoted to one another. When apart for only an hour they run to each other and hug each other. A few years ago the two oldest were going to an overnight at church. The two youngest were going to grandma's house (number five was but an infant and staying with Mom). They were spending less than 24 hours apart, yet you would have thought they were going to be apart for weeks by the way they were hugging each other and saying their good-byes. When the next year came around, the two oldest were again off to church, only to discover that this year instead of sleeping in the separate rooms in the same building, they would be in different buildings! They were visibly upset. "We've never slept in a different building before!" True. At 7 and 8 years old they had not been apart overnight since the second was born. They weren't consoled that Mommy would be staying with the girls and Daddy would be staying with the boys!

The most touching time came when our five year old (then four) ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. The kids were made several visits during the day, going back and forth to grandmas between visits. When bedtime came, they all were upset. Noah, at the hospital, wanted to call and talk to each sibling and during prayer that night prayed for each one. The kids with Daddy at Grandma's house where crying because they missed their brother. It was a time that really showed me how deeply they care for one another. They take for granted that their brothers and sisters will always be near them. I pray that this continues into their adult lives and that they continue to develop a bond that allows them to forever be the closest of friends.

Why do you homeschool?

Today I am going to answer some of the questions and refute some of the often made comments related to homeschooling. People have many reactions to homeschooling, some are supportive, some are disgusted, some are just plain bewildered when they make the following statements:

"Good for you, schools are so dangerous now!"
I do not homeschool because of the "danger" in public schools. After the rash of school shootings many parents became convinced schools are dangerous. We will discuss the true dangers of schools later, but for now understand that I am not worried about my kid getting shot at school.

"They don't learn anything in public schools anymore."
As a former teacher, I hate these reactions. I spent my teaching years working in the school system that my children would now attend, and I have to say I don't think there are many out there that are better. The staff and parents are wonderful. The teachers work hard. They score well on state tests (although frankly that is another can of worms for another day!)

I do not homeschool to try to give my child a "better" education (in the world's eyes). I have worked with many of the teachers that my children would have right now and can tell you without a doubt many of them are far better teachers than I ever will be. Most of them love their students, have taught for years and know every trick in the book. I doubt I could do a better job than most of them.

"At least you are a teacher so you know what you are doing."
It is not easier for me since I am a teacher. In fact I think it may be harder. I have expectations that others do not. I discovered my first year that you can not run a homeschool class of 2 kids like you would run a kindergarten class of 18. It just doesn't work.

Many people operate under the thought that since you have to have a degree to teach in public school, you should have to have a degree to homeschool as well. What I find amusing is that in my state you do not have to have a teaching degree or license to teach in private schools. Funny isn't it. People will spend thousands of dollars on private school tuition to send their kids to a better school, where they don't have to have a teaching license to teach, but think parents aren't qualified to teach their own children.

"What about socialization?"
For those of you that worry about socialization, you can stop worrying now. When my "small group" meets monthly, those 6 families bring 22 kids. Homeschooled children have the great opportunity to interact with children younger, older and their own age. They also learn to interact with adults, not just in a classroom student/teacher situation, but in a group discussion setting. They are more likely to be encouraged to work with adults on projects from cooking dinner to cutting and delivering firewood to a friend in need. Don't you worry about socialization. We socialize more than any group of people you know! Perhaps you should worry more about over-socialization.

"Good for you but I could never do it."
Honestly, we all think that. Sometimes daily. That is when you use your "phone-a-friend" option. And fortunately in the homeschool world, you aren't limited to the number of those you get!

Yet, no matter what reaction I receive from people who first learn that I am homeschooling, nobody ever understands why. Unless that is you happen to homeschool yourself.

So...

"Why do you homeschool?"
If those are not the reasons, then why do I do it? This is a tough one to explain. It begins with the simple answer. I believe God wants me to. I believe that God has placed it in my heart, in the heart of my husband and very clearly models it in the bible. Do I believe God is calling every Christian to homeschool? I believe that is between them and God. I know he has told my family to do this and that is what we stand on.

Now it gets harder to explain. Why would God want you to homeschool? Public school works out for everyone else, besides, wouldn't it be easier? Heck ya! It would be way easier! Until I had to undo the damage done to my children that is. You see, when you send your child away for 8-9 hours a day (depending on bus time) and they sleep 8-9 hours a day you are left with 6-8 hours a day to model for your children what you want them to be become and unmodel what you don't want them to become. Realistically, that time is more like 3-4 hours, maybe.

Let us take an average day in the life of a public school kid. You get up, scarf down some breakfast, get dressed, leave for school by 7:30. You spend all day surrounded by children who don't respect their parents being taught evolution and the big bang as facts, and hearing materialism being worshiped in the form of "Look what Johnny has!" You get home from school at 4:30. You have a snack, and do your homework. You eat dinner at 5:30. After dinner it is a bath, TV time and off to bed at 8:00. That is a perfect ideal world, where nobody is in sports, scouts, piano or band. As a parent, where in there do I have time to show my kids the things I want them to know? Where do I have time to remind them that the big bang is a theory, not a fact? When to I teach them that evolution is a theory that contradicts all of the rest of science, even science supported and believed by the very ones spouting the theory? How do I undo hours of my child hearing the worship of stuff?

You see, I do not want my child to spend the majority of his day in a world that when he comes home, I am going to tell him is wrong. I don't want him to make all of his best friends at school and have to say to him that their behaviors, choices and values are wrong. It isn't a matter of not allowing my child to be friends with kids who are different from us. It is a matter of not allowing my child to believe that everybody else lives their lives differently. I don't want them to feel isolated. If everyone else is doing it, why not us?

I want my kids to know the truth. I want them to know there are many, many people who believe as we do, who walk as we do and who live as we do. They know that not everyone believes in God. They know some kids don't go to church. But for them, that is odd, not the norm. As they get older, they will be more able to handle the fact that the world is big and there are a lot of people who think we are wrong. They will have to make their own choices and live with their decisions. But you cannot tell me that at five years old, when they are still chasing bad guys with their cap guns, they are old enough to begin to make those choices. They are not big enough to defend their hearts from the evil in the world, the evil that seeks to undermine the truth of God's love and parents' authority. Until they are big enough, it is my job to guard their hearts. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

So I guess the answer to why I homeschool is "To guard my children's hearts until they are mature enough to guard it themselves."