My Box

I really do have it all. I have an amazing heavenly Father who loves me enough to never give up on me and continue to grow me to what He has designed be to be.

I have an amazing, wonderful husband who truly loves me more than I deserve, more than I have a right to expect.

I have 5 (plus 1) great kids who keep me on my toes, teach me daily about life and love, love me despite my flaws, think I'm amazing and in general give me more joy than I knew was possible.

I have great friends who understand my many, many quirks and flaws and despite that seem to think I'm okay anyway. I have friends that I know would drop anything for me, friends who stand in the cold working on water issues, mow my yard, encourage me in all that I do.

I have a wonderful family, parents who love me, siblings that still think I'm okay even though I'm insane enough to have this many children, and nieces and nephews who still somehow remember the fun aunt of their youth and think I'm ok, not cool of course, but ok.

What more could I want? I don't know. The truth is in spite of all this, I feel - well I don't know the right word for it. I feel as though I'm standing in a glass box watching the world go by. I have wonderful plans and ideas as to how to improve the world (even my little piece of it), but I'm stuck in this little box that doesn't let me do any of it. Intellectually I know all these things to do, but I cannot open the door to let out the knowledge, skills and even heart stuck inside.

The world, time, it's moving too fast and I'm so busy trying to get out of this box and do something, that I'm not doing anything. Days go by, weeks go by, months go by, years go by and nothing changes. I can't free myself from this box to do that which I know to do.

I know God has put some great stuff in me to use for His kingdom, I just feel like it's stuck inside me, stuck in this box watching the world go by.